"Who Do They Think They're Calling Monster?"

"Me! Nessie MacNess of Loch Ness, Inverness! Well, of all the nerve!"

Who do they think they're calling 'Monster'!
The human race has really got a cheek!
Creatures without tails
Or feathers or fur or scales,
The sight of them's enough to make you shriek,
Typical man, he slangs you when he wants ter,
But look at him, an ugly little elf!
Who does he think he's calling 'Monster'!
(Hey, you, Jimmy!)
'Monster', yourself!

There was no doubt about it, Nessie was very upset. So was Coojee. Poor Nessie, never left in peace - always being bombarded by beastly booms. Why couldn't humans respect animals more? After all, animals had as much right on earth as humans.

"That's it!" he cried, "I've got it! They're always on about Human Rights! Well, why don't we go to Parliament and get them to do something about Animal Rights?"

"Animal Rights?" said Nessie, "D' you think they'll listen? D' you think they'll care?"

"It's worth a try", said Coojee, "What have we got to lose?"

"Nothing!" exclaimed Nessie.

Who do they think they're calling 'Monster'!
I'll not take that from them, the little brutes!
Creatures without paws
Or talons or tusks or claws,
They must look funny in their birthday suits!
Someone had better warn them at Westminster;
We're on our way to tell 'em a thing or two!
Who do they think they're calling 'Monster'!
(Hey, yous lot!)
'Monster' to you!
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