"Sean The Shoemaker" / "Shoes!"
I'm Sean, the shoemaker, shoemaker Sean.
A cleverer shoemaker never was born.
Few make a shoe like a true leprechaun,
Like Sean, the shoemaker, shoemaker Sean.
Coojee was puzzled...
"A Leprechaun!? What's a leprechaun doing in England!"
"England!" cried the voice, and up from the shoe popped a little man in green -
"ENGLAND! Wash your mouth out with the Irish Sea! 'Tis in Ireland you are! Do you not recognise the famous Giant's Causeway when you see it? And is this not the Giant's own shoe I'm after making?"
"You make shoes for Giants?" exclaimed Coojee...
"Sure, and I make shoes for anyone - anyone at all...
Shoes for O' Shannon and shoes for O' Shaughnessy,
Sharon the shepherdess, Sherriff O' Shea,
For Shelagh the sheepshearer, Sherman the sharpshooter,
Either I shoe 'em or shoo 'em away!
Shoes made of chamois as shapely and sheer as the
Sheerest and shapeliest shamrocks that shine.
For sure as old Sean is the Shakespeare of shoemakers,
Shop at his shop it's a shoeshopper's shrine!
Don't shop at Seamus's, Seamus's shoe shop is
Shocking, a shambles, a shameful charade!
His shoes are all shabby, The shoddiest shoe-leather.
My shoes put Seamus's shoes in the shade!
"But I digress. What brings you to the Emerald Isle my furry little friend?"
"Fog!" said Coojee, "We were on our way to England and we missed our turning."
"Missed your turning! Oh, very amusing!" said the little man. "Fog and missed, ho-ho, 'fog and mist', oh, very amusing to be sure! But, tell me, - why would you be after going to a place like England?"
"Well," said Coojee, "My friend Nessie MacNess of Loch Ness Inverness is sick and tired of being bombarded by beastly booms and we want to ask Parliament to pass a Bill of Animal Rights to protect all endangered species and we were travelling under cover of darkness so nobody would spot Nessie before we got to London only now it's daytime and we'll have to wait until it's dark again and there's so little time and oh dear oh dear oh dear!"
The leprechaun thought for a moment, scratching his head.
"Not if your friend here were to swim underwater and tow you along on the surface."
"But where would we get a boat?" said Coojee.
"Right here," said Sean, "Sure and you've never seen such a ship-shape shoe! - Or, should I say, such a shoe-shaped ship!"
"That's fantastic!" cried Coojee, "But what about the Giant? Won't he be angry with you for giving away his shoe?"
"Ah! By all the shillelaghs ever shaken in Shanklin, what if he is? Five hundred years I've been working on it and that's how long me darling sweetheart Siobhan has been waiting for me. - If I'm not home soon I'm thinking she'll be angrier than any giant. Patience was never one of her obvious virtues - and, after all, a girl won't wait for ever!"