Music

Siamese Twins

Lyrics by Robert A. Gray
Baz Sez...We're siamese twins, we're siamese twins
Where one of us ends the other begins
To quote a piece of repartee we coined
When asked "may we join you?" - we're already joined

Whatever we lack it isn't technique
We walk back to back we dance cheek to cheek
So lithe, so blythe, we're like two Errol Flynns
The Corsican Brothers? No, siamese twins

We're each the spitting image of the other that's right
Some minor variations, ah, but ever so slight
Just trivial discrepancies in weight, shape and height
But otherwise identical, both totally identical

Identical gums, identical bones
Just look at our thumbs - we're practically clones
My height, well, that's just mother nature's joke
Some children grow and some children smoke

Was ever a pair more perfectly matched?
Or, rarer than rare, so very attached?
If I should die inform my next of kin
The fellow behind me; my siamese twin

Mind you, we're telepathic,brothers are when they're twinned
I know if I feel guilty that my brother has sinned
If he should eat spring onions I am sure to get wind
His talent for telepathy creates in me antipathy

In spite of our bond we're like day and night
We don't correspond - we don't even write
It's really time we thought about divorce
I feel like the rear of a pantomome horse

He gets on my nerves, he gets on my wick
He blooming deserves a wallop, a kick
Take that! Oh, drat, the agony I'm in
You can't take it out on your siamese twin

You take him out to dinner and he's rude to your chums
Your mates and you go bowling - he's all fingers and thumbs
You attend a ladies' social and he pinches their canap├ęs
I wouldn't be seen dead with him and yet I share a bed with him

What can we do? It's destiny's curse
At least we're just two - it might have been worse
Imagine if, instead of being twins,
We found we were triplets or quads, lad, or quins

He's tiresome as hell - he's grim as can be
But charming as well. He gets it from me
Too bad he's mad, he should be in the bin
But I'd have to join him, my siamese twin

Your mates and you go boozing and he drinks 'gin & it'
You take him to King Lear and it's "who's this old git?"
I've seen him at the wrestling bloody sit there and knit!
You just can't take him anywhere and have to take him everywhere

With girls though, it's fun. Dear me, yes, my oath.
The girl who strokes one gives pleasure to both

Etc.
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